User:Tex

In the summer of 1986, Tex's overindulgence in hard drugs came to a catastrophic climax. Having experimented with a mix of crack cocaine and heroin, he ventured into a fire station and urinated on a dalmation. The dog had to be forcibly removed from his genitals, and he was thrown into a neighboring ditch by the firefighters there. He awoke the next morning covered in his own blood, praying for the sweet release of death. Those who found him remarked that his condition was "ungodly, like a filthy vagrant," and pleaded with him to seek help. He ultimately found solace in Bolivian communist movements, where he works today to overthrow the government. He looks back on his days in the Tallahasee scene as "one massive, drunken orgy--seriously, fucking everywhere," but generally turns down interviews on principle.

Tex is the Pee-wee Herman Professor of the Scatological Sciences at Harvard University.