Foo

THE ALMIGHTY NATION OF THE DIMENSION OF FOO

The Foo dimension is the fulcrum around which the history of the Kupopolis universe turns. Every major event in the history of the dimensions of the Web of Worlds can, in some way, shape, form or abstraction, be traced somehow, however impossibly or contrivedly, to the involvement of Foo and its Foolians. And by that, I actually mean to say that it may not be readily apparent, or in fact an acknowledged "historical fact" that this is, in fact the case, and some even suggest that what I've just said about Foo's importance in the scheme of things is entirely "made up," or "a lie" and "not true by any known definition or implication of the term."

But Foo still rules. Noob.

LAND OF FOO

Foo's territory encompasses the whole of the Foo Dimension, which has never been mapped because no serious cartographers have ever been persuaded that a project to map Foo was worth their time or would in any way benefit their careers. What folly!

Still, it bears mentioning that much of terrestrial Foo was destroyed by an overdependence on Dark Matter, which had for years made Foo the "infinite resources bitch" of Kuvalla. The Dark Matter twisted, warped and mal-formed the land, transformed all the Foo people into clowns, and pretty much precluded Foo's ever becoming anything resembling a major Web of Worlds player ever again.

... OR DID IT!?!?!??!!??!!??!!?!?!?!?

POPULATION... OF FOO!?

Foo people are clowns. As a people, they are mute and can no longer vocalize most humanoid languages, but since being transformed into clowns by Dark Matter they have developed a language called "Foolish," which consists of elaborate pantomime interspersed with various squeaks (emitted through the Foo clowns' naturally squeaky noses), honks (as from bicycle horns), cowbells, whistles (as from a slide-whistle), and sometimes calliope music (if readily available).

Normal, non-clown people do not live in Foo anymore. Why would they!?

RELIGION

The people of Foo did not, historically, have any religion. Under the wise and masterful leadership of Kevin the Great, Foo was an entirely secular state. After being corrupted and turned into clowns by Dark Matter, the Foolish people have turned down one of two spiritual paths.

SHADOWKLOWNS

One radical sect in modern Foolish society are worshippers of the Dark Matter itself; these are essentially nihilists, who have come to realize that there is a price to pay for infinite Dark Matter resources, and that price must be the extinction of all life in the Web of Worlds. Fortunately, these Shadowklowns (as they have called themselves) appear to be as incompetent and inept as any citizen of Foo ever was, and have not yet been able to launch their intergalactic fleet of Shadowklown Deathships to carry out their holy mission.

THE WAY OF FOO

By far the majority of Foolish society turned down a nobler path, in an effort to throw off the shackles of Dark Matter corruption and return to the race's noble, shamanistic heritage. These savage, yet noble clowns venerate the Way of Foo, and look to Foo's shamanistic history for guidance in dealing with Foo's modern problems. It should be pointed out that the doctrine text used by Foo's shamans is riddled with contradiction and flat-out historical inaccuracies that would raise eyebrows if anyone in the outside Web were ever to get their hands on a copy. Fortunately for the Foolish shamans, none in the outside Web have managed to learn to read the Foolish language.

Foolish shamans maintain control over their wicked Shadowklown bretheren through the use of totems and elemental "Shock" spells, but Shadowklowns will melt faces in clown vs. clown combat.

ECONOMY, SOCIETY AND POLITICS

Once Foo's economy was based off a quasi-socialist model, which worked for a time because Dark Matter gave Foo infinite resources, and made them Kuvalla's infinite resources bitch. But when the Dark Matter turned everybody into clowns and stopped being a cooperative and convenient (if horribly cheap and lame) plot device, Foo's economy essentially collapsed, and there was rioting in the streets, and chaos and anarchy, and clown-on-clown violence -- not to mention the fact that the very Dark Matter was beginning to tear the land itself apart and swallow up whole cities into inky black nothingness.

So after that happened, the survivors gathered together into small tribal villages (called circuses). The circuses were established on the few remaining landmasses that remained once the Dark Matter had eaten its fill, but because the land is still not to this day entirely stable, Foolish society is by necessity semi-nomadic. The circus tents are packed up into wagons, which are then pulled from settlement to settlement by elephants, giraffes, tigers, bears on unicycles, ostriches, zebras -- it might be relevent to mention here that the only wildlife to survive the cataclysm on Foo were circus animals.

Modern Foolish society in these circuses exists on a barter system -- tribal networks of circuses have established relationships with each other, and trade for food, water and livestock with any number of random resources that the Foolish clowns can harvest from the land. It bears mentioning that the land literally produces any number of random resource materials, found in Dark Matter nodes that the clowns have developed techniques for mining. Some nodes produce lamp oil, some produce prefabricated raw textiles, others produce oatmeal, spools of copper wire, blank 8-hour VHS tapes or segments of chain-link fencing... the products of a given node are never predictable and, sadly, never permanent; nodes appear for a time, are harvested by a circus, and then fade away, at which time the circus will move on and attempt to trade what it has harvested for something more useful.

PEOPLE

There are no notable personalities in the Foo dimension. At least, none that anybody knows of. Or, better said, none that anybody cares about.

FOO LINKS, FOO!

• Sucks Worse Than Foo
• Infinite resources bitch
• History of the Foo Dimension